Not Suitable For Children

Synopsis: When 20-something party-animal Jonah (Ryan Kwanten) is diagnosed with testicular cancer he has just three weeks to find a female willing to bear the child who until then he never knew he wanted.

The central idea of Not Suitable For Children would seem to have great potential for a black comedy. So why did writer Michael Lucas and director Peter Templeton play it as a straight-down-the-line rom-com? If that was their first mistake (perhaps they were influenced by 2011's 50/50 which had a young man diagnosd with cancer and was similarly in the quirky rom-com manner), the failure to develop the idea beyond its basic tenet wasn’t far behind it. Whatever the reason or reasons, you just can’t help but wonder why Screen Australia is so keen on funding rom-coms by first time directors (apparently last year’s fiasco, A Heartbeat Away, wasn't enough for them). Yes, the rom-com is a hugely profitable genre but that’s when you’ve got the likes of Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell topping the bill, Richard Curtis on the pen and paper and a seasoned director like Mike Newell calling the shots. Or, more appropriately, Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams and Kevin Smith (check out Chasing Amy to see what I mean). None of that applies here and I can already not see the box office queues.

Both Lucas and Templeton come from a background in television and on the small screen, cut up with ads, snacks and cups of tea, visits to the loo and so on this might be a passable enough diversion. But writ large on the big screen it is a plod that once the basic “I’m going to lose my ball” shock-horror turning point (about 15 mins in) has been tossed off goes limp like the proverbial. It briefly shines when Jonah and housemate Stevie (Sarah Snook, who delivers the film’s only really distinguished performance) finally consummate their long-delayed “arrangement” and for a short while we get a glimpse of what it might have been had it actually engaged with its material instead of being allowed to glide on such familiar rails.

Aside from its catchy soundtrack, Not Suitable For Children is a relatively style-less film and with little com and even less rom it’s difficult to understand for whom, other than the writer and director, it was made. I don't do this sort of thing very often but I've got to say it here, this film needed balls.

 

 

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