Assassin's Creed

Synopsis:  A condemned man, Callum Lynch (Michael Fassbender), is saved from execution so that he can help scientists recover his genetic memory.

You’d think that the title, Assassin's Creed, would have given me enough warning but I looked at the cast list and thought Jeremy Irons, well, O.K., but Michael Fassbender, yes, and Marion Cotillard, heck yeah!  And what's more, the film was directed by Australian Justin Kurzel whose emotionally-harrowing 2011 Snowtown was the film of that year. That had to be worth a punt hadn’t it? After all, Darren Aronofsky’s The Fountain (2006) was about Conquistadors, re-incarnation and futuristic genetic research and it was pretty good wasn’t it?

From the opening scene set in 15th century Spain in which a grim and hooded figure (Fassbender) pledges his life to his liege-lord in an upcoming affray with the Knights Templar and then via a CGI-landscape and heavy metal lead guitar we segue to California, 1986, I knew I’d made a horrible error of judgement and was about to pay dearly for it.

Kurzel’s second feature, between Snowtown and this film, was Macbeth (2015), a film I haven’t seen but knew was generally praised for its visual flair more than its dramatic depth. With Assassin’s Creed, Kurzel’s directorial pendulum goes full swing  - it’s all visuals and no substance. There's a 'Da Vinci Code'-ish Holy Grail style story about the battle between the Inquisition-backed Knights Templar and the Moorish occupiers of Spain for possession of the Apple OF Eden, which is described either as containing the “first seeds of Mankind’s disobedience” or the “DNA of free will” although what either term means or what Marion Cotillard’s scientist, Sophia, and her conniving Dad (Irons) and his cabal of social manipulators plan to do with it has got me beat.

The plot, however, is just a skeleton on which to hang a series of bone-shaking set-pieces, boosted by a thunderous score by Jed Kurzel (who I assume is the director’s brother) in which our heroes and the villainous black horde pursuing them go hammer and tongs performing physically impossible wuxia-style feats thanks to the wonders of computer programming. I have never been a fan of action movies but Kurzel’s film is so computer-driven that it makes you long for the real life stunt-work of a Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) or even Waterworld (1995) (although, credit, if credit is due, goes to stuntman Damien Walters who apparently performed a free fall from the height of 125 feet which lasted almost 3 seconds with an 61 mph impact speed).

Fassbender had starred in Macbeth and evidently he and Kurzel got along famously as in his role as an executive producer he campaigned for Kurzel for the directorial gig. Perhaps he was hoping for some Shakespearean heft for the flimsy script.  Somewhat more strangely, given his track record with more intelligent roles, he appears bulked up with the kind of action figure musculature favoured by the likes of Sean Penn, Matt Damon and Hugh Jackman.  One wonders if there is some kind of testosterone-boosting side-effect to Hollywood stardom that makes male actors want to show off their Mr Atlas physiques and punch out a lot of obliging stunt-men.  Which is pretty much all Assassin's Creed is about. The best you can say for it is that it whips though its story and doesn't stint on the virtual theme park thrills.

Fassbender does a good job in what looks like a physically demanding role but frankly, who cares?  No-one who appreciates his work to date in films such as the currently screening The Light Between Oceans or Steve Jobs (2015) will be interested and Marion Cotillard fans will likewise be left empty-handed (let’s not mention the pointless casting of Brendan Gleeson and Charlotte Rampling in minor roles). Which pretty much leaves fans of the video game on which the film is based and teenage boys who will go and see anything with the words “Assassin” and Creed” in the title. With a $125 million budget and such limited appeal one can’t help but wonder if anyone still thinks making this film was a good idea.

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